Ka Wai Ola - Office of Hawaiian Affairs, Volume 28, Number 7, 1 Iulai 2011 — Searching for salvation [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Searching for salvation

By Melissa Moniz Momi Robins, a Hawaiian woman, a single mother of three children and a math teacher at a middle school in Wai'anae, is now also a published author. Her book, Candy Canes and Coke, is the raw story of her journey as a depressed, abusive and overweight woman who after years of searching for a better life, sought salvation through her own words. "I always knew I wanted to be a writer, I just didn't know what I wanted to write about," says Robins, a Kamehameha Schools and University of Hawai'i-West O'ahu graduate. "I was so unhappy and unfulfilled and nothing was helping. So when my ex-husband started getting really violent, I thought I would write this story and tell the world what a jerk he is. I was so full of anger that I wanted to embarrass him, but when I was writing this book I realized llial it

I wasn't only him and it became I very healing for me." Robins who is now 37 years old, met her ex-husband in middle school. She had her son when she was 20. "I started writing the book about 3 1/2 years ago because that's when a lot of the major drama was happening. At that point although I was scared to be by myself, I knew I wanted out," says Robins. "I was afraid because I've never been by myself ever, so every time I got scared I would reel my ex-husband back in and that's why the drama just got worse. I didn't realize my part in this chaos until I wrote the book. "Also at that time my 14-year-old son was addicted to eoeaine and in the book I talk about that too," adds Robins. "The book is titled Candy Canes and Coke because there was an incident when I got those candy canes you decorate the yard with and I beat my son with it because

he was using eoeaine. I wasn't sure I could save him and even in that situation I was so ashamed and it was so hard for me to share because I felt like such a failure as a parent." Through writing her story, Robins found the missing element in her search for happiness, whieh was truth. "When I decided to be real with myself, I realized I was locked in a prison of debilitating low self-worth and I was afraid of everything," adds Robins. "I hope that sharing my personal story of struggle and failure will help me improve my life and provide comfort to others suffering." Robin hopes her book will allow her opportunities to visit schools to talk with teens. And she also plans to start a support group for others in need of help. "I hope that this book starts conversations between moms and daughters, sisters and friends," says Robins. "For me there were

so many years that went on that I didn't tell anyone what went on in my marriage because I was embarrassed about it, so nothing changed. And I believe that a lot of women go through these type of issues, whether it's starting a relationship too young, being physically violent, being insecure or just being unhappy in the relationship they are in and don't know how to get out." Anyone interested in contacting Robins, ean email momi@momirobins.org. "Although I'm deathly afraid of everyone knowing my story, I know now that fear is what prevents us from moving on, improving and living our best life, so it's being published," adds Robins. "And I am grateful, excited and a little proud that I could do it." ■ Melissa Moniz is aformer Associate Editor at MidWeek.

By Momi Robins 214 pages PublishAmerica $24.95 Available online at amazon.com, borders. eom, publishamerica.com or from Robin's web site at momirobins.org.

REVIEW

Candy Canes and Coke

Followus:lLJ/oha_hawaii | Fan us:Ē/officeofhawaiianaffairs | Watoh us: Youfl!^ /OHAHawaii A NĀPUKE > B00KS