Ka Wai Ola - Office of Hawaiian Affairs, Volume 6, Number 4, 1 April 1989 — Parenting Hawaiian-Style For Happy Families [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Parenting Hawaiian-Style For Happy Families

By Deborah Ward, Editor Ka Wai Ola O OHA

Traditional Hawaiian eulture ean offer lessons in good parenting that ean help create happy children and families today. That is the message being shared in "Parenting Hawaiian-style for Success," a series of statewide lectures by Ke'ala Kwan, resource specialist for the Kamehameha Schools Hawaiian Studies

Institute. Kwan's final talk in the series will be presented April 27 at the Mitchell Pauole Center in Kaunakakai, Moloka'i at 7 p.m. It is part of the Kamehameha Schools' continuing education program extension education division's Hawaiian eulture lecture series. Our parenting skills are influenced by those of our parents or those who nurtured and cared for us, says Kwan. "It is the family whieh teaches us to fit into our culture through a shared way of thinking, behaving and doing things. This upbringing affects our childrearing practices, as well as family roles, socialization patterns, values and religious beliefs and our concept of life and death." Understanding the Hawaiian concept of the 'ohana (extended family) and its members is important to good parenting. Kwan quoted Nana I Ke Kumu: "It is a sense of unity, shared involvement and mutual help. It is emotional support, given and received. lt is solidarity and cohesiveness. It is love — often; it is loyalty — always. It is all this, encompassed by the joined links of blood relationship."

He describes the components of the 'ohana: "Kupuna are the grandparents and all relatives of the grandparent generation. Because of their experience, the kupuna have traditionally served as the primary source of wisdom and experience for the 'ohana. Kupuna are treated respectfully and possess a certain authority in specific matters that affect the entire 'ohana. Traditionally they played a major role as the informal teachers of the keiki." "Makua are the parents and relatives of the parent generation, aunts and uncles. In ancient times the makua were the primary workers who ensured that the 'ohana was provided with the basic necessities for survival such as food and clothing." "The keiki are the children, and all relatives of this generation, who we consider as cousins today, were considered "brothers and sister' to eaeh other. The mo'opuna were the grandchildren." "In ancient times the 'aumakua were the family or personal gods, deified ancestors who might assume animal, plant, insect or other forms in nature. Some Hawaiian families still observe this today." "So the 'ohana was comprised of both earthly and spiritual relatives. Both were sought for advice, instruction and emotional support. Communication with the supernatural powers, the 'aumakua was a normal and regular part of 'ohana living. This kind of relationship reflects how the Hawaiians of old, and some Hawaiians today, were well aware of the here-and-now in whieh they exist, and their plaee in between the ancestors who were worshipped as gods and the yet-to-be-born descendants of the future. Such understanding resulted in a clear sense of identity for the individual.

This knowledge of who one is, self-identity, is important to positive individual growth and development." "The concept of 'ohana continues to thrive among some Hawaiian families today." Kwan said. "But on the other extreme, there are young oneparent families that are struggling without the benefits that an extended family could provide — the multi-generational relatives, kupuna, makua and keiki — and the help they could offer. The 'ohana is a strong institution of mutual support, eooperation and sharing. The sharing occurs during times of happiness as well as hardship." "Part of the formula for successful parenting is maintaining and perpetuating the 'ohana concept and of all the positive values that are inherent in it. Values such as lokahi (unity), kokua (assistance without a 'you owe me one' expectation), and laulima (working together, cooperation). This is indeed a challenge today, because we no longer live in a society in whieh survival is based upon interdependence. However it is possible t*o live independently in eeonomie terms, and still maintain strong ties to extended family members." Kwan cited a number of 'olelo no'eau, Hawaiian proverbs and wise sayings whieh illustrated the Hawaiian view of childraising. For example, "Ka hana a ka makua, o ka hana no ia a keiki," What parents do, children will do. Others sayings warned a pregnant woman not to wear a closed lei, from the belief that the umbilical cord would become tangled around an unborn infant's neek. Protection of the infant's umbilical cord, piko, was also considered important to the child's future. In ancient days, he said, the age of a child was nOt reckoned by years but by physical ability to perform a certain task. "Ka nui e pa'a ai i ka hue wai," referred to a child big enough to carry a water bottle, about two years old. A child of five was eonsidered big enough to carry two coconuts. Parents did not rigidly enforce toilet training, but instead tolerated bedwetting, and allowed the child to develop at his or her own paee without parental pressure. The 'olelo no'eau also show that Hawaiians used strict discipline although children were rarely "whipped." "Instead, they were talked to or severely scolded," Kwan stated. Traditional informal leaming in the 'ohana relied on the elements of "nana, ho'olohe, hana." Children were expected to observe attentive!y, to listen with close attention to what was being said, and to practice the skill. Questions or other interruptions by the haumana (student) were discouraged until the entire presentation was eompleted.

"This application to learning was practical," explained Kwan. "For example, if one were being shown how to carve out a eanoe, an interruption at the moment the master carver was about to use the adze in shaping the eanoe could result in a disastrous mistake." "The respect for elders that Hawaiian children are taught, whieh results in indirect eye contact with adults when engaged in conversation, issometimes misread by the teacher in the classroom for disinterest, or perhaps even disrespect. It is encouraging to know that one of the current popular approaches in the field of education is cooperative leaming. This approach has students working in small groups instead of individually, and the idea of students providing eaeh other with mutual support and assistance has proven effective with Hawaiians, who are known to prefer working together and seeking group achievement over individual achievement." Kwan discussed the ho'oponopono process as a part of Hawaiian heritage and a means of talking out and resolving family problems. The sharing of all family members in "open honest discussion, willingness to make right, and forgive makes this an effective and applicable form of family eounseling, that is spiritually based. "Language is one of the most important cultural elements," Kwan emphasized. "The Hawaiian language is a very important means of transmitting Hawaiian cultural values. . ,Language is vital to the nurturing ofone'sidentity andself-esteem. Iencourage the use of simple Hawaiian words by parents in speaking to their children. . .pau, 'ohana, kahakai (beach), honi (kiss)." Kwan noted the growth of preschool and elementary school Hawaiian language immersion programs in the last four years. This represents significant changes in Hawaiian language instruction, and growing recognition of the role of language as cultural centerpiece, he said. Participation of preschoolers in this program seems to enhanee their early language acquisition and retention. The involvement of families in also learning Hawaiian reinforces the child and serves as a family bond and to heighten awareness and pride in Hawaiian culture. Today there are four 'Aha Punana Leo immersion preschools, one eaeh on the islands of Hawai'i, Maui, O'ahu and Kaua'i. In 1987 the Department of Education began the first Hawaiian language immersion combined kindergarten and first grade classes — at Waiau and Keaukaha schools. Last year a second grade Hawaiian language immersion class was added at both schools.

Ke'ala Kwan

Taking time to read together as a family helps the child learn and brings the family together.

The 'ohana ean share in many enjoyable activities. Kupuna Mrs. Arlene Eaton (left) plays ukulele as her son Calvin sings and his wife Kanani also plays for their daughter as she practices her hula, "Tutu E."