Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 50, 9 ʻApelila 1941 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This column is open for contributions. if you have a good gag, send it in and the will publish it, and give your name the | credit.—Koko-Nuts.

(Courtesy Hilo Tribune Herald) Spring is here, but the only difference it makes in Hawaii is that you just change the calendar. Everything else is the same, includeing your underwear. With the coming of spring, however, back east they're changing their snowshoes for rubber galoshes and storing the snow shovels until next winter. And back in New York and Vermont the boys are tapping the maple trees for the annual harvest of maple syrup and sugar. And when we recall those days of long ago a fellow can't help but get a wee bit homesick, for there's nothing sweeter than the sme!l of boiling sap from the maple tree, and there's nothing tastier than a fresh egg bailed in maple sap. And the annual taffy pull is something the boys and girls look forward to every springtime in the sugar country. If you haven't been through it you've missed something. 1941 simile: As broke as a school teacher in the middle of the month. Foolish question No. 100,001: Do you think there is any real danger of Hilo ever having a water shortage? DESERT POME NO. 108 Stalled on the desert It's poor Johnny Hare; The spare tire he carried Didn't have any air. At least three Hilo car owners have license number plate 2222. When they can't remember their number all they have to do is think how a locomotive whistle sounds—toot-toot-toot-toot! TOO MODEST

Little Streamlines says she could easily have won the queen contest, but she didn't want to make all the other candidates jealous. When Wanda Waffleiron, the belie of Waiakea, went to the dentist to have a tooth extracted, she bit his thumb just to see if he was a "painless" dentist, like he advertised. SOURPUSS SAM SAYS: "Men are not rewarded for having brains. They are rewarded for knowing how to use the brains they've got, but we know some fellas who are still in the kindergarten class." Confucius did not write this one: He who throws mud loses ground. Suggested theme song for Hitler: "Oh, You Nasty Nazi Man." Mussolini spent many thou sands of <illegible> salvaging old Ro man galleys a few years ago from an Italian lake,but whoever gets the job of salvaging Mussolini's warships from the bottom of the Mediterranean will have a much tougher one. Duce now realizes that he made a mistake in not constructing his battleships out of cork, so they wouldn't be so easy for the British to sink. Seeing the Italian fleet running away from a Greek warship is like watching a <illegible> pair of nosey calves away from the goose pen during the hatching season. HYMN OF HATE A man we hate is neighbor Lake,

He watches every Move we make, And tells your secrets 'Round the blockTo him we'd like To give a sock. STEAMER WITH CHECKERED CAREER HERE - Heading in Advertiser. Must have been one of those camouflaged ships BULL-ETIN

"I would have gone into the queen contest myself, only I don't like the publicity." Honolulu newspaper has its Aunty Penny, but there is at least one Hilo newspaper whose employes enjoy their penny ante. What the Italian army needs is a couple of Alley Oops and a Pansy Yokum. AYE MON! Sandy McPherson says before you can persuade a Scotchman to loosen up you have to get him tight. Aye, me lad! Some working crews They have no souls; They leave our streets All full of holes. Beefsteak in Hilo will go up in price soon, according to announcement. That's tough. For we'd go without beefsteak. $LIGHTLY UNSETTLED "What's Mussolini doing now?" "Oh, he's just Rome-ing in the the gloom-ing." It might be a good idea for the Honolulu theatres to keep their shows running all night, so a lot of the visiting folks who have difficultty in obtaining sleeping quarters could buy a ticket and sleep in their seats. IT MUST MYKE 'ITLER MAD "Oh, I sye," says Sir Marmaduke, Hilter with all his submarines in the North Sea cawn't stop us from having our usual kippered erring for breakfast." One of life's mysteries: a Por tuguese sausage. Legendary: Once upon a time there was a man who read all the war news and believed every word of it. And there's the Hilo man who orders his soup boiling hot - so the waiter won't stick his thumb in it. LIMMER-LICK A big, noisy lout named Benito, Once had a beautiful fleet-o 'Til some men seeing Mars, Better known as jack tars, Quickly rendered it quite obso lete Some modern folks still adhere to the <illegible> pastime to trying to feel people on April. SEZ WAIAKEA WILLIE

"Some folks are like cats. They sleep all day and run around all night keeping respectable folks awake." AMERICAN WARSHIPS LEAVE

AUSTRALIA-Newspaper headline We were afraid some of the gobs would try to bring it back with them as a souvenir. Those members of the 299th inpantry who weren't in the pictures when they were taken were either doing guard duty or else in the clink, if we are to judge by our own observations in former training camps. Anyhow, the Italians are furnishing all the comedy of this war POOR PENIKALA County Attorney Martin Pene Keeps wishing, and wishing, and wishing That he could relax just long enough To go and do some fishing, He wants to go over to Kona And catch a shark or a whale, But he hasn't the time to do it - And that's the end of the tale. John Bull, to Mussolini: "Sye, 'Uncle,' you bally awe, before I it you agani. Sye 'Uncle,' or I'll jolly well bash in you silly 'ead!"

Another needed invention is an invisible poison that will eliminate street panhandlers effectively and painlessly. STILL A CHANCE Up until last week, the legisla sure of 1941 has been much too quiet in comparison with former sessions, but there is still time for a few good scraps. Two of our Big Island senators got into a little ar gument last week, and this may be the forerunner of others to follow before the session ends. Maybe it's because there are no women mem bets this year that things have been so quiet, and very little talking done. But there's still time. The only job Wands Waffle<illegible> brother ever had was dig ging potatoes-out of the frying pan. In Frane, <illegible> makes the heart grow fonder. Whassamatter: Nobody sent in any jokes this week. PASSED BY THE CENSOR