Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 45, 5 Malaki 1941 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is <>pen for contribuliuns. Ij } oit haue a goud gag, send il in and u e u ill publish iī, and g;rc )our name the credit.—Koko-N uls.

(,<A'nru>sy llilo Tribune HerahJ) Mnniiui;-, KoU«>-Nuts i;U)s: We usi'ii ii» \voit,y back oast übout Uie t>uu',v of MiU'eli, wh«thOr it \vould (.emio in liko a Uou atul go out liko a ianiii, oi' vU'e vin'sii. Iloiv in liawaii we «,k>l\'t \von\v nuuh ab<HU ilir woaliioi', wlieu lv K. I i : u.uhlo/. is jn to\vn, but we «lo \vorry niort> lliiUi you folks think about a lot of othoi* thitij;s, sui'li as how wo i:m to get our ineome tax report, if any, iuade <>ut by the 15th_of tlie nu>nth an«l liow wo aro going to pay the tax if the rollector decides we owe the :ioveviimei»t sometliing for letting us eujoy tlie privileges of the Umd iii' tlie free, whieh reiuituls us : that ohl uV»out so nuuiy Scotch.nieii heing in An)erica hecause tlu\v i-aiae over Jiere by the th(,)iisands wlion tliey heal'il it \vas a "free" | coun',n- Anyho\v ( \ou «l«>u't poe uny | of thoiu bogglnjr or uskinf for n | job, Atul y<«u don't soo any 01 thoni woi-king with ihe I'WA. And we have often wished nol)oily lmr Si-otchinen owoel us, for we know \ve'd jret our money. Aiul us <'<>r originaUty. woll, whei'e vio you •tin«l anotlier i'aoe that c«ii originate its own jokes? LAWS WE HOPE THE LE<SISLATURE WILL ENACT j A measure making it tr»anda- j tory to furnish free gaso!ine to : ali n«\wspaper,men. i A law prohibiting private radio ; programs in hote! rooms. j A taw prohibiting gum ehew- \ ine »n theatres. j A law to prev«nt wives from ! questioning the old man when he ; eomes home late after sittinfl up , With a sick friend. A )aw to keep cows off the roacfs at night. A 4aw to cut the. poll tax on ; undersized men to conform with their sige. j Repeat cf the Desha bathing sutt ordinance. I A measure permitting one sampar> bus to every 1000 populalion, A law to prevent cats from singing at night. , And one to stop !awtaakers | from making any mor« silty taws. V - | DESERT POME NO. 105 StnUoil oii t!io <let=erf ls |H»or l.eou Sprout; He l»it ;t hip hunip And h;s Ujirhts \ve»t out. SO THAT'S THE REASON? ;

Little Streamlines, th« diminu ttve o<fice pet. says th« p»ason never grew very big t« beca«se she was ra!sed on cond«nsed m(lk, i'in.li-ii »»n,Miun No. tf»V77T22: lf I •■•■,}■> rr\ j» t iH t.l this j-t»ar. ilo you »'ii' » ;1 \ .o!Uvtor \vīM cvvr flt.'tt i' mn'; CARVALHO IS LOVE'S HERO (n St«r Builet(n. t>c suppose this h«s n?fe!xncc to our own Senator V A„ ea^'alhe* SAM S WEEKLY GROUCH "lt'> ;o h>H th«t a uaan w 7 !..* !;;iv « !;.,!> a«d is Hil ts!f *i> «i- : },i> oUhvr hus au ov tnwttiravii w 111• i>r mvas u «tf lluu !s |i, it >ITĪ*o MST"«i W*th po v»ahmf» m tht !«tgU th,B >tar'* se»s!cri prom j»*s tv- b« & dk>U ert«. But men*>bcrs ?>CV* w«n't hiv« to bc «» care?u* o? th«ir a ' ?Mture »cm< cf them du'.> : !

TUIiKS 1>«)(>1JS SlirT TO NAZlS.—Xewspaper lieailline. In other words, Uie Moslems art; determine(.l to koop tho wolf froui Ihoii' «ioors. British African forces successfully crossed the Juba river and scattered the defending ltalians. Naturally the British feet Jubalant about it. Wanda Waffleiron, tl:e helle of Waiakea town, īwul in the papers> where 700 Oennan ainuen were ■ iost. Slie sai<l tlie,\ slniuUln't liave ] ventured īitt«> stnuige territory j wiilioui a cvimj>ass. OVERHEARD iN THE CAFE : Customer—"Enno ,me a large . bowt of soup and have it boi)ing hot." | Waiter—"And why do you wtsh | it boiling hot, sir? M | Customer—"So you ean'l stick j your thumb in it." | "AYEI" SAYS SANDY MCPHERSON

The Scotch excel at golf t)eoause I They've found for ages past, | The less they eut the little lial! I The louger it will last. Xow StnnJj Mae ptays lots of go!f j liut a <*aPeful j»on is he, ;Ho lias the same wee pellei j That he boustit ia '~i. February ls t»»e »hortest month, but lt travels the fast«st — tow«rdt the dead!lne for payma the ineome tax. j Whai was reported to ?k< OmI eoiiiW umw ou< to j«nother one wlth a iiiune. eomeī hi I {he last ēeneral elect!on. | .... _ ! Miss Ver* Wett, the g!amour j girt of R«e(f« 8«y, read in the | papers where the An®lo troops* L ; had to do a <ot of moppina up in | Ethiopia. She says she aiways | h«d an idca thit was a rather dJrj ty country, anyhow, and it proI bably nee<led a good clenni«g. HYMN OF HATE A g«.r we hate ls t larence .īaine*: ile vells too inueh Vw IwH m What th)c country needs ?s a foreign |>oMcy that won*t backh re. SULL-ETiN

[ "N\»w, l \va> a vi( ,a£V. ", *Hv», e(v« » 4\\ | i'm nol a« go«d «i i'm cr«ck«d up i» be," sAid the cvei«ige«t *« the eooK Ihnew it in th« eme»et , I\muiyj« woeUi»; *''l'i» rv;uiu l,vouv ioau ju»l as «mku» un 1 iuud S.anut l 4^.\" Hoft«iufu m*n'» hv»l>b> «* c*U t«cting r«re H««r*lUn bc«ki o*r hebb>- 1« eoU«etine r*r«. p«p« r Si-iiiHT WiSUNDtRSI ANOiNu A«m v b l\H>kiV »w !•< "i <-:Ui iM 4«i « H«*\l oi ĪK*uta> HUU, *-»»v >'*•«.' 4M\.k »Ult * iium». |

QUESTIOM ANO AifSWE"R o«ar Koko-Nuts: 1 am a young j man of 19 and I am in love with , a girt of 17. How ean I find out t if she loves me? ! Answer: Ask her, you dope. 1941 simUf: As cro(Vketl ne tlu» Hamakua road. ( SEZ WAIAKEA WILLIE |

"If the Nazfs use Qās !h the!r ! lnvas}on of England f it(s aofng to i be pfetty sev«re on t|ie women . havlng to htde their pfetty fāces behind gas masks. w | WE'LL See Ē. H. AfeOUT 1T T>car "Knit(vXi!t , s: ' 1 ivlsh you \voiiT(l ( iill oil tlio MoCo. nn<l ;\sk thoui to got Ttpotor Smith 0111 of ]nl! nnd iliWw El> aii(l Zēb in for a spell. ' Yours B. B. CLAMP. Hilo .} HE TH!NKS IT'S "Dear Koko-Nuts: i've got a comp!alnt to make. I used to get a lot of extra sleep on Sunday mornings until you started put- ' tlng your dog-gonned columr In ! thls newspaper. Now h wake up at dayllght, because 1 can't walt tlll noon to read ft. Vou ought to be ashāmed of yourself gettlng a man out of his bed at 6 a.m. | on Sunday, when he shpuld be ■ ete«ping. Yours "truly, I. N. SOMNIA. ! Anotlu>r imtrh n<u>(lo(l invon!um \ ?ls a srarhaw oun th;tf sstrj\y <!ogs |ai)il <-ais i/iin'i iip i>vor al nighJ. j And there's the Kaumaiu fet--1 iow who stayed tcc> iong in front cf t!ie bars atid four.d himself be- ; hind bars the next morning . | LIMMER-LICK I An ohl rtsh(>rman uamed Pua, i Who lis}(ps :iround Kailua, ] Thinks iie a raw dea! r | Whon !;o tn\oked n l>ig - [wirar lio wanrod ro catoh was uluu. j A kawaaina ls a man who ean ' remember back lo the īime when ! all th« wor!d problems wer« set- ! tled over the coffee cups at the , o!d Pacific Cafe on Kalakaua J street, by feltows who were al- ; ways fuii of bright ideas. MayJ b« John Arruda or Heinie Keil--1 ner were among them. 1 sti:ak katkn fiust timi: AT A<lK 54—Newsi>uper headllno. Wo uiu.<i hav*i luid «hiw» of this !}>aniiular i!ssisnmiont l'oi- yosior- . i (lay's (iiiniop. Antl all tlio liiiio \vt> : | ihoualu ir Wi>s theyfauU of su>ro itwrh. Thur ha<l iiv V Ml ho ari ohl asro. " ! { —— j 1 lt's a wise teglslator who ean \ i'recogn«Ee his own bill after it ; ) has been passed. | | | "Tht> onl,v Uiuo our le£isl»tors | j }īt»t ue\vsimiters ls wliou thc W , UlslKt«iv is in one of' | «hom. \Wwuter wivj. j ' SAD STOf*Y | ' On a hospital «ot | Lies youna Arty Kiein, , | He was driv?«a too fast . i Te see the STOP stftn. J ! v ov '..ooU\l ls ;uij ' Ui\ hiuul tHat wiU out' -ih-'-. ;:ī'.\ w ! ior. !uis^ v s ;uri» (o' • ■ i -!•*« *'r U \\vu:a '• "• ■ •■u.UOii ;i _ " l'U> vJri\«.li ' jwiH»n, hv.vv. uiHi VVhj U> | lt look» M though th« J nation« h*v« «Urt«4 to b*H ' ! in t»>» B«tkans. wlth v no ehanee of ! the pame called off «n ac> 1 ef ra?n. ] | Oontvi this> $«ut*mce; Xour iti | ?;5N ropōrt ii <vt' Kiui \,ni o\ve tht> ! .pnm: ,ī }ion!sy. I ' TMASALL. 0&001YC! I I