Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 29, 13 November 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

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This eolumn is open for contributions. If )ou have a gaod gag, send it in and we uill publish it, and give your name the credit.—Koko-Nuts. -

Ono of the various things this ceeds is a special liotel for !?ho\v pooole, and Koko-Xuts offers the follo\ving suggestions: 1. Muikl it at least six miiei> Houi tlu- <»utskirts of the dti", l'. Mn ke all the rooms souinlproot. or ;it least have rubber kej s ami ruhber key-lioles, and paiui all tiu> «iiulows black so that the aji'hts> show. o. l'ut rubber carpets 011 ali ytairways. 4. s>upply all the guests \vith rubber shoes, or insist upoa their goinjr l)arefooted wliile they are in the lioiel. 5. Have & speeial coiseless e-on-traption for the purpose of i-oliei Ling all the etupty bottles. <>, Have a 3anitor who is deaf and dumb. (Most Hilo hotels already have duiub oues, but they're not deaf.) 7. Insist on all guests beiu£ iu their beds aot later tliM.u G a.ui. 8. Fumisb guests who lasist on war-whooplng at 2 a.m„ wiUi Indian costume and toiuahawk. 9. Install a short-wave radio in all rooms so that tlie guests ean have swing uiūsīc until dayliglit. 10. See that all sruests get up not later than 5 p.na., in time for the evenltm; sliow. Better stiU, eonsiriu-t the entire buildiug of rul)ber—aud then maybe people who like to enjoj tlieir regular :See2> wil! be able to jjet some. SAD STORY

Uttfe who eet« awfully romar>tie at times, has a boy fri«nd who is very bashful. The ether evening they were »itting on the front porch lookinfl at th« moon. Little Streamllnea Mtd wistful!y: "Nobody loves me and my hand# are cold." And the boy-friend satd: "God toves you ahd your mother !ove« you, and you ean sit on your hand«. n Koko-Xnts Ziuimie, tlie legless wonder at the Fernandez-Le-, gion clrcus, tiow j Zimruie saul "Oli, I ean'i kiek!" DESERT POME NO. 97 On the va#t Kau desert, Where roams the mongoose, Therc s!eeps a lone dr»ver Whote piston workcd 'oom. lta!y hiis prov.Hl tho bano of A1 bant«: Hut .sum siio ihe Greeks aaothpi" w<H?k atul thoy*ll r«?move it, SOURPUSS SAM SAYS:

*An ethical businefis mah is one who nev«r goes back on his word consuftjnfl his iawyer."

T<h> Uad fi>r Mussoii»i. Thei"re <m,v MhaU oouiitrt«« that hls {nu>jK out !iok. Thi* i* a b»d month for Turkty —«ny k»nd of turKe>. I'hpnw sotiji tif Uto lloaomlu Ad* TWMtiser In iis oainjiaiin ;igauist tb«? <U v jKsrtnH"iit ; "Soaiewh«»v a VKv ls r«mn£." HILO HAS 4*oo HOMES — Ntw*pap«r Hea^line, tlill not include tht "orptk«nt* hcwe\«i. IWO »ltui}* v Ak furSom Uk)ksttg ft» * Uk- vl;o aflcr W*&a« Wafnoirv-u. <ho IhMjc of iv •». vUuuH'r au4 *vory Sao ihiuki ilal

ta is the name of souie new bran<l of beer. BULL-ETIN

t "My friends who eJected me do not expect any reward whatever." 1 ANOTHER SAD STORY On a hospital cot i I.les poor Willie Capper; i Took fifs eyes off the road ' F To stare at a flapper. I :: " ! Lependary: Oiioo upon a tīme! ther© was a votor who \vent rlgbt' home as soon as lio lt>arned his fa--1 vorite candidate \\as elected, and! dSdn*t wait for a dri»k. Now we know why SwStzerland hasn t suffered a surprise attack, ' The Swiss have too many watch--1 «k ; - ' MOOERN VERSION Jack # and Jttl wein up the I*lll a dram to «immoh their tliirst. ' Koth fetl dowu atul retumed to ~ - town— A eop had been there first. STATISTiCAL REPORT Hīīo, Hawaii, T. H. has 2 hotels —and about 25 dumps. ELECTiON RETURNS

| This is candldate So-and So. who |cau*t «nderstand wfcy hē got siu-h | a aaall vote in PrecincV Ko. ........ J aor \viiy one or two of hls \vorkers ! doabte eros&6d him. | Foolish question No. 22002: 1 "Do you think President Roose- j j velt will carry out his defense j j program now?" j LIMMER-UCK | A catulidate came<l Patrick Kouej-,' Wlio i>assod out too uiueli balon«v, i I'ulu'i gei io first base j lu ilie cloctoral race— j l!ts iu'omīsos sounded too . BULL-ETIN NO. 2 J I!m through with poJitic« for- , ever." j r.«i\iiior liootec\ eil c«a iu»w j aU'aū aud liavo Uie Luieik)r of U»e i Wliiie Hous« rtHlecoratod. j Curr«nt remark of the hour; | "He's !aid up with the flu." j FOR A WEE DRAPPi£ .

S-iiUvli' saUl . sie had » £r-r-tiud nntv . ohMh»:. lie «.aiioū ( m llio ' Ikk»»*»" of v>UO o(, H«* su<\x*ssful caudiiktvsl

aiul w;is "ri£hi rvijulU cut*Ttalu- j oU." KiuuU rvturuo\l liuuio tu Ukm \\tv Miia' ov»r» v»' tiic auuuiu\ siii« , I«<r "rtV a Woe Doch Au' tK»ri«' | iuui to ' U's «. hi&', bra.\ii luoouUek toicht" &iaOtj SA,vsj in>iiUeai fri<?m.l ts thc sort| of "ui«u" io liold offict2, Ajx'l | There i« no truth tn the rum«r j th»t th« b«nd conc«rt v*** ea.ieii , Th«r*d*y niftht t>«<4u«e the j pieeoie ${*}*(■ (Mt hi* pi«cviic. i U l\J dl? j v C.V*K-m aew «&a Ur£<cj of }4g. Tts«l 4 Fatii j <«n<iiu£ ia i>Ucc, | Mo«t or th« iwlitic*; C4indi4*t«« J who 1«A out fcm no\n con\inc«d , th*t ther« t« m«r« truth th«n pee | tQ m Uvs oi4 Vh*t men t *r« īi*rt, j

, V-vv>ov,t Uvv*tfv<«n Lc ! js'« uUii UiOSV eUIUu | 1 ',han cvcr 5L , "fx>n urs a 3ou.v oooi* it,l Ī.OW 41