Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 23, 2 ʻOkakopa 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eōlumn is open for eontribulions. 1} you have a good gag, send it in and ux- ui!l pubiish it, and give your name the credit.—-Koko-Nuts,

A really good newsj)apernian is one who feeeps liis desk piltHl a foot with old newspapers an<l junk. It reminds hiin of the condition of the world at the present tinie, Those Hollywood husbands must be a bad bunch. Every time some screen star gets a divorce lt is always on the Qrounds of cruel- - or some similar charge. Life's Darkest Moment: Wlien \ i.iu are in eonferenee with a prospective c-ustonier and are just aliout to tlose the deal, and u long dlstance telephone oall coiues in when ] he is about to sign on the dotted ' line, and it's some long \vindefl per- 1 son who is talking, and you have to sit in suspense until Tho eonversatīon is finished, during whioh time thc nian may ohange hi« mīnd. Wouldu't it give you the jittors? A PĒNNY SAVED

$andy McPhcrson 5s a happy "mon" smce he !earned that the did not destroy the sca!es ? at the Hilo Drug store,

where he ls accustomed to get weighed fr-r-ee, otherwise he would be havinfl to pay a penny at some ether p'aee. AXIS PLANS NEW ORDER IN AFRICA —Newi^uiiK 1 !' lieiKlllne. Bat. as Bol)stie liurns, Sootrh poef, "the be?t lnld platis of miee an<t men aft gang aglee." Foollsh Question No, 6,210,001: Do the voters stHI take campasgn prom!ses seriously? An Oklahoma desperndo has been sentenced to 190 years ia prison. Tf he ltves that long, yerhaps the new world war will he deo!ded by then. BULL-ETIN

"Nobody ean lell m* whe to vot♦ for, I know my own mtnd wh«n ii comes to piekina cardtOESERT POME NO. 92 There's a c<»w on the desert, Where cow> si)iuetiiues roam; Twould M safer for her If they kei*t her at hoiue. W>UTiCAL CANDIDATE

—PHoto by Ouy Rudd!e ThU <« J. Simor» candidate for sw?Rfl inspector. lf «Tect«d he promi«es to fith«f * bHI in th« next legUlatur« that wiH pro. vtde every nitwit in the terr!torj wlth * free MX«|>hone. Mr, Sim pt» !* a cand?datc cn the t>arsce Tlcket tnd lt a ptay?!" htm#e»f. Thar* ati we ne«d to ny *beut h!m. HAMAKI A 01.VI* l! E A W S TALK Tt'55KK'Y Nrvi>pai>er iHWdUrrt». AnS lti j«#t ovorvb*><lv wUI BtKvut t«rfc<*v, THE INOIAH SI«N *«<»* wtt*tfed wUh tf<e «w««tTk* frsn* the AwerkAt tn<i' «Mi» tM Nm;» y»e th« W •n «atut«, 6) r*!«tno th« rl<jht h»«d *na *üb*Ututina "Neu Htt ttf** for "Now K«U> W Th« latter f«>ett«g me«nt fr?ettd," q«tt« #tffer#nt trcn\ the N*ti 'i' tßf9r*tatfon. No« H!ller <• *ft«r

While l'. r. Hi>ann?r wtts on tlie iiiv (U'lnn-'» 1 tlmt stoppeO just shorr of liis s(nrt', he ojaculateil: "Okl īnan iu>;uiit>r, lneky iu Uoiulni>os, iu (is!iiif aml iu rollec"til)fi uionoy fnr Tlie S;il\ntion Arniy, and, l»y gol!y, liK-ky r.<nv wheu !Madatue I'olo ihro\vs.one of the pearls of hei' nerkhuy uway." Of course, w,e woukl īemiml P. C. Beamer tliāt M;tdame Pek helit>ves iu Tlie Sal-\ vatioa Anny hecause its uxotto ls] "Blood aml Fire."' And no doubt, tliat i.s \vhy she \va-s klnd to The Salvation Ariny Advisory Board Treasurer. i — s!eiiT in by MaJor Giles [ HYMN 0F HATE A jane we hate ~ ls Dora Poke; lt takes her hours To see a ]ok«, Sailors at *ea used to look for seu serpouis. >"o\vudai'sj tUey look for peri.seopes. — WAIAKEA W! LLIE SAYS:

I"A right smart feitef has fiagered it wt that if you play a slot maehene consistently you wi!l, in a year, o«t back twenty-five cents j for every dollar you put in- Now, j wiii some other consistent fetler : •i kindly figger why nine out o' ten j gambfin' guys who read this here | j free information wi!l figger that i j if they piay long enough they'!l beat the,gol dern thing-a-ma-jig. «omehow," Sprtiu wuuia to get t;ibniltur bacb. lf gets it, do you pose it will weakeu f!u> Pnuloniīal ! l,ifo inuui-iuu'e Oo"? j j I I SOURPUSS SAM SAYS: ;

"WUh «o many prī- | vate cars carrymg the banners of poiitical ean■ ;

4 dld«es thes« days, this bught to ! be a "banher vear" for the slgn painters. M | KING TO SPEAK — New^pai*>r j headliae. j Sam King or Kiug tīeorge? = BAD EITHER WAY j He: "You )«ok iike Helen , Biack." I She; "Y««, l lo*k pretty b«d ' in wWt«, too." j *. t, HMo. J j MOOĒKN ORANNY j j 'TU>ast\ sir t eouHI 1 have the af ; ieruooa ottV j ! "Ah. \es. Your grandmother, I | *ui>i>ose • cir. Slie !s ni;i'k!ng her 1 paraohnto Junip," — Aitt<'r!cAn ' h tvrlon MajrasiT»e. ' I I ! 1940 «imile; As dīfficu't tc ] "f*d as st.attan warsh?ps in th« . ! Mediterran«an, j 1 - Oluv Ui-i-i'. ;i uīue | Hnii lUaī 1 i\. v d onVi for .uui siulti'{ ask the I*r!utshv«i< Jun\ »i«ich !t £OlQ£ ĪO MiND OVEft MATT£ft

t-'LVc th«t Kee|ftftfi t*c f oien ««U 1« *e <J*»V th« *; a-ou''d her U mueh ccoV t»-t hct *ealhe- Wt-it 4-* tlvt tb*t fttrt H\ 4

fot' Fi\i»idwu, «iMUs liiS i.wv.v'iC\ c«i ki>Ov ks 1 uut M£ 'A at Uut iu Aiam'* U EA* »n tl\c (Urditn of £<Un. M«<iAnv ! 'm Ad4m." Gosl», \ve liaio Xo wtUe IUU "sndidAt« Witski€ ha* fcccu *«?■ fe-n« tr«m * lhro*l mf*clion , > *nd tHc Denw»vi at» h«v« t»«en me*n enou^h' »*> v!'«» iie K gettM\g ii m th« neeK i:N iS OK im lULNUOW.