Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 19, 4 Kepakemapa 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. // you have a good gag, send it in and ue will pjiblish it, and give \onr name ihe credit.—Koko-Nuts.

Italy 13)ay fiud herself on slippery grouud, if she attaeks Greeco. CorK is approximately half air, says a newspaper filter. Wonder if that's why ehampagne corks always pop out with such a bang. 0r does it refer to the city of Cork, lreland? UMMER-LICK A SQuirrel who received through the uiail A bid to a dance froin.a qviail, Said, "It*s one of my faults That I never could waltz. Put. boy, ean I spin on my tail! ■ —Harvard Lampoon BILL SEEKS MORE NAVY PRQMOTIONS. — Newspaper headline. Bill vtfho? Counsel (to poliee wltaess): "But, if a iuan is on hi.s luiihls aml knees In the mUhlle of the road, that doos not pr<ive he Is drunk?" Polieemnn ; "No, sir, lt doos not. But this one was- tryintr to tio<i tUe yellow Hnes on Kamehameha aveuue." One r«ason why Englishmen hate air raids so badly is that they disturb their awfternoon tea. |"Oh, hi sye, Frit2ie, old thlng, would you mind droppinfl your bombc a bit awftf r three o'eloek?" ALTAIt Kt:sil ON AS DRAFT SEEMS NEAIi. —Newspaper lieadline. Some of the boys just can't wait to start fighting.

When Sandy MePherson !earned that the tax on spirits had gone up, his own spirits promptly went down. Sancfy is

now aaving his pennles. A«other n<viU'il inveiitioii Is a botfl rooiu dwr thut cun*t be sl;uumed Ln Ihe mkhllo of the uight. HYMN OF HATE A girl we hate I* Ver» S!ow; She comes in late To the picture show. THAT MAN'S HERC AGAIN We tliotight ConfuchiB was d<?ad, until we learaed differeiitty when a lai!y fnnii Maui sent these in: Men who stiek to stratght and narrow never see any curves. Otris *rith thick ankle? have niore troub!c īhan girls wlth tliick heads, QM who plays with firei often enel up wHh neight»ors raklng her over <wils. Hush )}ioney nmkes lo«(iest talk. Easy to see rtiwnsrh plr)s whō nl w*ys nuike of tlww--Belv©B. C«n alwiiys i?r:wv if y<ni l»*w Jsck. Most jfirls ilon'! <arv ;ilk>u? yc\ir Bnsllsh long «s yo«r fcotch O.K. Easy fot jrtrt to eleān man after WorkUig hliu into lather wUh soft w>ap. He«vcn wlll; proteot workīng glrl, b«t who profecf s pr>y shc !s work Ama*ing iiow cold ,ush wanu giri*s heart. Man who put fonco nnniiiil swoet heart jret gste. Otri eaioliini? on shoaM Im> oan*ful ho h:i< <olbjo bo«noe l«»ft in Mm. (Jr*sss wi<tows aro fotitul h> . Kn cr Bjoro often Hwm In weetls I>ilferevn o t>et\roeu ba ? i c'- r -,r."! married nmn- whers hfich.olcr w:,'k ' Hooe wiih he i? datv."inp : lf bal»Ses are frnits of matrtvi-or.y eradlo< must W fru?t Wben «isn kiiow* woiv=an Mke he «su»Uy put >»er o« j U «b»olut«iy «<• 1« IM rvmor th*t a tftt S«*teK «MHh art to» mAh e* lr«TafUf t>»#y Iw»ar4 « ic * «t*tp

| BULL-ETIN

"While l'm cfimpaignlng I'm not soing to say a word that would injure my opponent." The new Vokano House will have souud-proof ruonjs. rut down as tlie first Unele George, pl Aiul \vt» liope you liave slam-proof (Joors, tw, and soft ruhtjer aoor keys. TIten ii will be lieaSOUNDS "FISHY" County Attornoy Martin "Pinky Peuee rutuo to liis office Momiay morniiig wiih a weird flsh story about the iwo big oues that got away wliile lve was iD Kona waters over the week-end. He clainis he hooke«.l two giant swordtish «nd that l»oth of theui l»roke his line and etH;u>ed after iie had eshausted wost of hi.s reserve euer*gy struggling to iaud ihem. Maybe that's why he looked so tired. "isn't that a l>ad oiuen for your politiciil eiuupui^u,a nosey reporter asked hiui. . "Uh, no," §aid L'eiue, "it's not a bad omen, it"s; a warnlng to strengthen m.v liue." (And all tlie tinie we thought he had a i)retly good "line.") Penee holds tlie chaiupions;hlp for being the best bueket tisii c-atcher in the Territory, if- uot in the U.nited States. If you don't believe it, him. SOURPUSS SAM SAYS:

"Mō«day mern!ng fs th« en?y part of the week that ha* no

frtēnds, «specially among the felIew8 who have te start thc wceK's wort< at 4 »a" DESERT POME NO. 88 rra\v!hig back oVr tli<> ctosort poor Oscar Btack; Hts oar cou!dn*t make it So he had to turu back. "īhe Greeka have a name for Mr. Musso!mi. LAL>1ES DAIs'CE FKEK AT AliĪOMUHI — lieading in AIhui >*ew& It is that a record uuiiiof girls uu*?uik v d. Th* peopie of the dictator eountries have been referreci to ae the Wouidn*t it be moie nc«r»y correct to r*fer to thtn\ as • Ihem *«ees."? L*'ii*udarjs ; Ouee upoa a ti«ie ther.» \vas a uewspaj.H*r eduor who l»ad ti>m? to kee» liis dosk eieao—lmt his paper wus oui v \ iist ed oii<x* .& uiouiii. WAIAKEA WILUĒ SAVS;

"That feJter, Musso!Ui[, haa 4 lot of tl:e En^'Uh thts U tlieir ?ast cliarce lc tv.Ake f***Ce ktfcrt ht a?>d M# parlnc.' *dc!f de#trcy th*lf whei; he ean'l fred hi» o»n pr*per'). dv- >;$ MOOEKN VERSiON » v ' v ( " < - HuMM* \T't- -* t ;'! "o T Vmr» \t *'sro

[For iu:T okl man luid beeu tbere firsst., Wouldn't jt be niee if aii the i , bus driver& »Quid tak« tl\eir "an- ] nuai vacation" at thc SAme ttm«r ! | And «t woul<l t>e nicer stili »f 90% I oi tnem wouid forget to eome i iiaek. | Mussollnl th»vannis to invade Kiuuu. he jusl \vutas to give his u ehauee to soo tUe i)jramids. , SOME FOLKS DC>N'T KNOW THE DIFF£RENCE

Utt!« Sti*eamHnes. the front ' * 5 <tater, Mys s h« is seH!ng : awfui!y tired an6vrtsrttia the HdwaH News te*ephone and havina people ask for John Lee, She sa>s the wi«h«s th%t momina paptr would change 1ts name, and she «®ys she kriows a aeod name for ' it, . LATf ST WAR NEWS bridjft> Sms not iot f&Hen Wan<l« W*ffleiron» the beUt of W*<aKeA town, jujs when the na> liOiul au»rd i« cAli«d up sh« w*rstg to be a war ttur««, «o «h« ean keep *n «jc on her who is a Sh« h«rd «Ci-ae«nu w<!« *oit c( \Mit> v\UUMH*UOU ■"* v iu* on Utrir cic«c v»»v tt«Mt ft«w* U from ttv« r ieniA cA4»iU< «ouna Wh*. OAU. vH1 v liiK ilK^KKV^y