Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 14, 31 July 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. 1} you /iaiv a good gag, send it in and we leill pubtish it, and girv your nanw ihi' credit.~Koko-N u ts.

Aa optimist is a nian who fislu«s from the raiiroad hrldge over the Wailuku river and oxpoc<s to t*atch iish. . With the Kaiser it was "Me und Gott'. With Hitier it is "Meinself, Mein Kampf und Mein Mussoiini." BULL-ET)N

"As a brother !odge member, we'll flJadly help you with the improvement work around the lodge clubhouse." LIMMER-LICK There was on<v ii youug lady iiam-' c*J Jackle Who \vas one \vild t'o\vi>uxkhei-, by cra«ki«! But her age wade lier grej\ Now she"s too tame, s<.i the.v say— That poor old ]ady named Jackiel —I. A., Lahaina, Maui Another needed invention is a fladget that will automaticaliy inform the clerks at the postoffice that you have forgotten to hring the key to your mail box, so they ean obligingly open it for you the inside. Barly to bed And early to rise, And you'll make iuōney For other guys. —WashiQgtoii Post. NO WONDER SHE CAN'T BLEEP

Little Streamlines, frorit office "oomph gir!" atways takcs : 3t pictur€ of Clark Gable to bed with her, so that if she can't % «leep she ean at !east enjoy belng awake, I,eirwulary: Onee «]>on A tinu> in »ece«t y<ears a motorlā sucoeeded tn a parking spac<« on Kamehuiiieiui avt>nue. i»etween WaiaIMienue Ilaili strwts, \vlthō«t havinjr to !!rive aro«nd the block more thau t\viee. SAYS WAIAKEA WiLLIE;

"The noosepapers are atwayis t«lkln* about this here F«fth Column. If it's a$ bad a» they wy lt i«, why don*t they leave \t out •ntireiy? What tn tarnatton ls th« u«e of havln' »omethSng that «inH no good to them?" "WhHt's s«i rsm> as a <t«y !ti Jum>?" is n «nimlon tliai Has Ikmm* «Kk?J nmnv tsthat it has «iniost iHwmu* ;i cls»ssir. A niotiuis« who cotiv*s «V tho right līm»» «n<\ off*»rs . ytHl a wliw y«Mtr oar }s «talM w thi-> n»:ul mH«M= 1 fp*»m iho nwtiv>t parajr*»> Wanda Wafln*iron, th« beHe e* ; Waiakea, wyi everythrng ccmes j to tho»e who wait — e*c*pt tt*e ; » derk» in some c-f the sto>*e* | *round here Lm»k t>u? foi thr» f» v Hov* #k,Ts whi» *«<UVMv ati tnt*r «»t >\>t*r \xo!f)»ro ainl *bsktnc ytmr * v*»iry t^R\f y«-\5 Vi'W oan s*mo*t >n*t thst {l« u tv> a }»«>Utloal ratt*li and wants y>»ir Yot* |

SHAME ON YE, SANDY!

Sandy McPherson and his friend Mclntosh were discussing their wedding days and how excited they were in res-

ponding to the toast of the bride, when Mclntosh added, "Mon ye 80t an awful friflht that day." "Aye/' said McPherson, "An' l've jjot her yet-" BENITO'S DREAM

"I aiu da greata daMussoline, I rula da bigga da natioiv, and my partner, Hitlēr, Are wrecking da oivi!izātion. But what we care how iaany folk* We-teeel and luaim and hurt, So long we laake all peoples wear Oiiē hiaek Fascisti shirt? Mē aml iuy parlner, Adolf. We like to sinka da ship, We like to hoinha da v jmeus And liear da shells go "Zīp T" We two have clialienged England, We're ready to surround it, And whei\ \ve've busted it all up We'H bnild a fencc arf>n»d It> An<l den wo'H cros«ta da oeenn Athl da Ynnkeo wo'll sink, And n!l da \vor!d will daiioe for n?— Oh. yeah! That's wliai Tf»r Oiink! SdURPUSS SAM SAYS:

"Times are improvi ing. Hilo dispensers of soft drinks ean now sell 5c bottie of pop for 10c

a good

, and etiU make a profit." PROSPKRITY IB bJXPhX'TEO,— Newspai>er head!ine. Weli, if it*s the kind that's beeu "just around thē eoruer M the past flfteen years or so, we \vou't eneourage it. , 1940 simile: As iow as the price of sugar. RELAX. MY OOOT> MAN, RK LAXt *