Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 13, 24 Iulai 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This enlumn is open for c<mtribuli<ms. lj you have a good gag. send it in and uv uill publish it, and give your nanie the credit.-Koko-yuts.

Tho f<ig luis l.teeu su iliiek in Uu> Wuimeu diMrict IV>r Ihie pust week, it is rei>orted iwo i-o\vs \vi>re iiijurptl in a hpad-on collisuiti \vitli oaeli other, aml iluu a īniui wlio was shinsiliiiir his shingletl <>ut iive fi>et inio llu> Cot, r heforo ho was awan» of his mistake. Wc have aH kmds of chawpio«« in the United States, from ehampiōn swimrYiers to ehamplon hoa callers, but if ever there is a eontest for the !oudest sneezer, we know where to find the ehampion —a very niee Hilo lady who ean . sneeze so loud that the kids run for home, thinking it is the curfew siren, and motorists pull over to the curb to let the fire engine go by. AN EPITAPH Here lies the hero, Sandy MaoGitheiu; He lma to <iie, But he tttok Hiilor wiili lihu. -~Seut in b.v a Maui ,reaiter. BULL-ETtN

"You're the best newspaper man that ever hit this town, and the onty one who ever Writes ahything funny!" ALSO ORIGIN OF SAUSAGE DOUBTFUL A Japanese hoy was asked to wnle a slaort thesis on tlie bauana, Tlie following was the result: The Lianana is reiuarbal)le fruit. He is eonsfructed in ihe same arehlteetural Btyle as sausa^e k dif-fereni-e hein.i: >kin of sausjige is ha-, bituaHy eon->;utued, wlille not advisahle u> eat wrapping of hauana. The hanana is held aioft while eonsuniing: sausase are usually left iu reelinhi£ position. Sausage depend ; for ereation ou human l>eings ov RtufTinp niaihine. while hanana ate ' produet of honoural)te iuott»er na-1 ture. In the ea*e of sausaj:o, t>oth ; eoneUisi<ms are aaaeheO to otlier • w»u«tue; imnana i»n olher hand> are J «ttarhed on end to stem and oppo- ] sire terniinatīon entirely loose. Flnally, hauaua are j*trietly of ve«etable kinjjdoni. wliile afTiliation of often undecsded. —Contrlbuted hy J.A.C. WE CAN BELIEVE |T Loeal firm i® a!ways advertis l«g **Suaranteed U®ed Cars, w Are we to understand that the f!rm guarar>tees the cars have be«n used? And there's ihe touris:t .attendlug his first luau. who ate iwrt of <he t»bte deiY>rations. witlu>ut knowiOK tfc«y weren't part of the menu.

LATEST WAR JOKE ] *What's the $imilar{ty b«tween j a dead German and the VatS ef a ; . \ "lt'i the end of the «wine!" —S«nt by 1. A.,, M«uL WHndu Waffloiron. tht> Wllo of j Walak«\s mwii, S,s tr.\ Uv»i io flnd si \vluhv *lio woa*t ; |N« hor \ao«tUm. j Wo it wi Kh , hrt«aJa\vc. WamUi. v.lo&r. , SOU«PUSS SAM SAYS; |

"Wt h«v« «>way« ! been t.o!d that >t you drmk coffee at rt»Bht it ,

wO! k«ep ycu *w«ke. After te*t <»»8 out «ample* «t mOrt th*n ō«e »oea» Userc «o c*«»e fer worr>, Seem» Ukt th«> **rt«t te put anj cofTee in it." F«n>3ish No. . IV 5"«>U (hiuk i;i\os \\sU tisu ItLgher' 4

WE CANNA BELiE.VE IT, SANDY

We ean hardly beHeve this one about our good friend Sandy McPherson. Fo}ks are saying that he carried a letter

his wife gave him to mail around In hSs pocket for a whole week to keep from buying the stamp as !ong as possible. HOW CAN ANYONE SO OUMB SAY SUCH CUTE THINGS?

Little Stpeam!ines, the cutie in the front office, says she can't understand why they eall an elephant*B nose a trunk. She thinks it i*n't big enough to be catted a j trunk. $he #ays it wou;d be more, appropriate to Just eail it * snoot-case. THE LOST DOG I was walking In the city, Om dark and iiismal morn. I ehanewl upon a !ittle dog I.ookin? (Hūte forlorn. 110 lus l:til :uul UutktHl Ut lii e Y\ UU eyes of s-lui»y lu'owii. I said to him, "Wluit do you tlnnk You're do!ng in this town?" I p!cfee<l li!n; up and said again, "I'H take you home willi me." Aod to this Terj day, He*s hanpy as ean he. —Reprmted by reques:t. Another needed inveniion īs a noiseles!s rubher key for hotel bedrooa. doors, one thāt won't rmtlo aud wake everybod.v uj» wheu sotno half-soused roouier trSes to liml tho keyh«le in the dark. OESERT POME NO. 82 Alone on the des«rt 1* poor Homer Peep, He's alt tuckered out And is now fast asieep. TIIK VIVACIOUS l~U»Y AM> SKLKc:tIiD SEOHXS — Pictut'e Ī!i fr\>iu of Ilonokiia ihemee. Any vivaeious lads who wears thi?ui usua!l,v seleets tlieiu. lf yuu (lou*t believe it, eake a syuint ai some of our beaehes anj Sunday

afteraouu, The name Martha is derived from the Hebrew and means—the roīer of the house. In that case, atl marrfed women should hav« be<?n named Martha. ANOTHCR WAR JOKE Two v,*Mters wrv o«t on | «» 'HHline t>arty nigh( in Xo Sttddettly iu the glare of a s»rehlight ao eaetay uuu-hiue guu u> si>iutter. lieariug a gruut from S}Uui.v, 4*>ok iui|uired« "Are ,ye lUt, Suml,v ?" "Aje. I gt»i it ia the leg, Jock." "W«el, crawi oa tm ioe baok» au' l'il iarry ye in," { '*««• i**r: said Saotlv, "that uwHUi- Uh? V. C, U>r you hu auHher huHet for a»9 i H | WA4AKKĀ WILHE SAVSi

"ConMrn the«e go«h d*mesi , poi)ttvian» th*t ean t ovakc j their mm«is wimi t« r«*n , f<ai. ner wtu€h |Mkrt> to b*long to. s TUe> »» « bunch o oid ; wimmin/" | CiMMtRLiCK ! A hokl tHUsa«4 lVnit« | Tlioujth« Im M4 m invlnoSMo j |

Tlll some .laek tar>; 1 lilew his ships eleai' J» Nosv he \vishes heM !>oee, sikhv v!isj rreet-o. I Legendary: Onee upon a time ] there was a woman who never ] repeated any of the gossip somē other women tcīd her. She died before she got a ehanee. BItITAIN FKA US THK WOKST —N«wspap«er hea<īline. Should have spelled lt *'wursL"

j Miss Vera Wett. the pride of t Reid's Bay, wants to know if it | would be proper to eall a (lanee hall a jitter4)UBhQusei. After list«r»ina to some of the swing band "mus»C", wt've cal!ed tt worse rtames than that, Vera. ASTROLOQJCAL FORECAST 80 now thc l'laiu'l Plulo is in lli<> Kipe Sijru L*h>, whieh rules youllu the uexl thiny yoars wiil tiud the iHljrht of t!ie worM (oiioentrated la the s»uhlSme keej»Sjig of the yt»ung. t;r«\-it new* for tho ohl feUovvs who wil» he onjovUisr their ohVage P«isionsi uhoiu thut liuie. ē The siscth sense miaht be put to o®od use ln riddina *he country of the flfth eolumn. I Two hati Vsovs ?n Fim>j>e [ The worhl d<"es rouuflly eus&, 'Thi»y hoth wenhl «hni'Ao the \hni! I thetr rstv t!Sī ;»nl M\iss ! NEW« NOTE I Owing to pr*sent world condii tions, his Satan»c Majesty will i»ot 6pend his annual vacation on thi® mundane sphere this >ear, : pr«ferring to in the eomparat«ve qu!etness of his fier> realm. Knjrl»sh newsiuu>ers are noH\l S'or their »evunu's iuul emU^ «.h.M'na' ot buv wheu oue o( (heui ivfors to rvturu soUllers «,> the "InmW seiu r\Hi heiNHw", h«\.< ivusjou to helk>w tluM t!:e \\;n js h;tvius a tia,d iuflu«itv ou ūte luyīlisit ivail

N«me» io the recent ce«syt cf j i the B<e U ! a«\<j ?hcvn nebod> \> t th , | * **m<? besirm.n a vsith th« Utt«i , | «q» What. «® Qui«U(*9« <m\ tht* ■ i <siand? | { Kh«dt» of h<*\v ; »1 UH<* h» i( ,» Kl , < »Mt?or ,xv ? i ! i THKKK S TH \ T l» A\ t; KI » i