Honolulu Republican, Volume IV, Number 501, 19 Ianuali 1902 — Paradise Paragraphs [ARTICLE]

Paradise Par agraphs

By WILLIAM F. SABIN

R SPOONER. I btliwr I ■> ■ i I be ensconced in yonder fau | I teuil and permit yoor abject slave to administer the median*—say when?" N’uS!—have you a iftar bandy?" Honor me by gra* kracly accepting on* f these Lilies of the Rice Patch: take the box home with you my friend.” “Mr. Sooner J represent ihe Daily Doit. How long have you graced th*» sidewalks of Honolulu with your tailor-made presence7” "Scarcely a week.” And what is your impression of <• ir little paradis*- 7” It is impossible for me to find words wherewith to describe the glories of this divine locality: the < limate Is heaven’s own; the beaat • * that greet the eye from cloudkissed mountain summit to shining • ora! strand are more than my humble intellect can grasp: It remains with the scribes to write up the natural fascinations of Hawaii” < .< "But what do you think of Monoliiluites. Mr. Sooner?" “Well' 1 have called on the Mayor I went out to Iris residence on the other side of New Pe kin, on a trolley car. and found him at lunch. He graciously Invited me to partake. 1 did. and enjoyed thereby a most beneficial conversation with that official Several Aldermen were present and they told me much <>f interest concerning this territory ' What I was most impressed with, however, was the fact that my hostess. the Mayor’s wife, informed me that she was a Hawaiian. She could 'peak perfect Knglirh and even used a few French phrases. She- wore clothes like American wutfo**n and sat in a chair at the table and ate cooked food. A plain wedding ring enhanc'd the le-auty of her left hand, dainty earrings sparkled beneath her raven tresses, but she wore no ring In her nose or skewers in her hair, and i failed to observe any bracelets on her ankles. I had an idea that the natives were savages. Do all Hawalians speak English, wear clothes and shake hands'’" ‘Certainly?” * j* Yon surprise me and I must confess that I am somewhat disapt*oiut ed as I came here wi*h the express purpose of writting a book on: ’The shameful Savagery of the Sandwich Islands.’ ” \re you a writer. Mr. Sooner?” Why. yes? Have you any writers in Honolulu present company of course excepted?” Most assuredly, sir. We possess authors, poets, artists, musicians, inventors and exhorters as well as engin<*ers. electricians, mechanics, financiers, promoters, tradesmen ami sugar experts." "You don't say' . Why, real ly, don't you know. I was under the impression that besides cannibals there were only missionaries here. ” "You were grievously mistaken Mr. Sooner.” "You have enlightened me on the cannibal question, but are there no missionaries here?’ • At one time there were many, and they were needed and did noble work in helping the happy, honest but somewhat lazy natives to conform to :!ie ways of nu>devn > ivilliation Now their children are in the sugar business and other professional callings ’’ Then it sec-ms that I shall have to abandon the idea of writing any book that is likely to interest the outside world in Hawaii Have many books concerning these Islands been written by tourists?" "In the cellar of the Town Hall, in Xnncvation Sttuare. there are stored hundreds of Just such curiosities. .jealously guarded from the pilfering •

* hands of th* tr-asure seekers who have swa;!E-U here *-ve r since the price of beer went down” And are there no erass-that-h*-; houses dott.nc the hiiiasdes and no pictures*;-;* . actily attired villagers left to supply material for my ambitious pen?” < ■« “There are a few grass-thatched house* left ;n the wilder di«tri*l c bit they are used to store lb- ancient mulecars used when the Pa;n «ys?*-m of locomotion was in operation. Scatily attired natives are a feature of the misty past and guidebooks Bit what do you think of cur city government, Mr. Sooner?” "It is a source of great surprise. When I firs: noticed the perfection in ail departments of city affairs. I hut deem*-d it the natural provision made against a possible invasion of savages occupying the outlying districts, but after what you have told me and what I have myself learned. I am utterly unable to venture my opinion on anything. "1 < am*- to this comer of the world to get away from civilization for awhile, and have run. all unawares. Into an up-to-date. busy, progressive metropolis, where automobiles, trol-ley-cars, slot machine®, continuous performances and general hustling at»ound. "I am terribly dUappointed and shall, after paying my respect* to the Governor, cable my friends and leave th** country on the next tri-. weekly five-day ocean fiver for tc* Coast. < ■« Will you take home any souvenirs of Hawaii. Mr. Sooner?” ”1 shall. A collector of rare antiquities has promised me the gen’ in-= autograph of the last contract laborer In Hawaii, written on the fly-leaf if an overseer’s pray* e-book, for tfee slight consideration of five hundred dollars. “I have also been fortunate enough to secure a half dollar which was givt-n to one of the early settlers by a hackman in making change—a rare proceeding, I understand. “Besides these valuable curios 1 have been presented with the hatch*: which the former republic's president used to wear while being interview ed by reporters; a revolver, said to have gone through seventeen Hawa.ian revolutions, and the comb of the cock that crew when the old regin:- 3 died its natural death and the Territorial government moved in and commenced house-cleaning. These I shall always treasure." "Mr. Sooner, you are better acquainted with the history of Hava.' than you give yourself credit for.” "Oh. the collector of antiquities gave me the information, but it was all poi Latin to me until you threw light on it. Must you go? Have a drink? Oh. 1 see you’re taking the bottle with you- Don't mention it — Ta? Ta?” 4 4 No’ The above is not a ‘‘pipedream.” It is an actual sample of the many Interviews a Honolulu reporter has with tourists who drop :n on Honolulu for a few minutes with the idea of writing a book on the Paradise of the Pacific and its heathen" population. 4 4 For the benefit of those who do not know w hat a “pipe dream ‘ is. :i might be w«4l to explain that often In' the gathering and supplying of news a reporter is tempted to resort to his imagination, more or less. Honolulu reporters, however, never lose sight of the facts. Where the imagination is used to an extent that crowds out facts, f there are any to be crowded out, the miblished result of the pencil pusher's resource to his fancy is call*' I in the parlance of scribes a “pipedream ”