Hawaii Holomua, Volume II, Number 5, 6 Ianuali 1894 — PHORCED PHORACING [ARTICLE]

PHORCED PHORACING

_____ Successful Raids by Gener*l Scissors. Mark īemu, s(te.tkitig <»f a new ; niosquit*» nett:ng, writes; “The day i» ci»miug when we sball sit under ot»r nets in thurch and slutnber reacefullv, wluie ihe dl*OMutited tlies club togelher aud take il out of the u»inister.’’ “LXm’t you think wotran c»n du a great deal t<>w.ird elevaling th« stage?" He— ‘ , Ye*«. SB« cu iowu her hat.’’ U is a mighty hard thing to love and resj»eot a woiuan’ who knowa yott thn>ugh aud lhr>»ugh. An exchange thinks lhat lhey must h«ve uaderstood the eonstruction of artiticial limb» in Bible tim«s. We read of raany a prominent f»erson who hael a handmaid. Dcaoun So.lem:n (after his cuffs aud col!ars) —“My friend. are you a Cbristian?” Vuug Lung—‘*YesMe wantee aellee wifee, and mally |»leltv Sunday SchooI te lehee."

l'wo fdshioi:ab!e ladirs were oonversmg, a few days ago,Vhen one of theai said there was a verv dangerous dog in her neighborhood. “Has he hillen anybody?” asked oi : e of the ladies. “Yesterday he caught a lilUe pig bv the ear and bit it terribly.” “ls that so? If ho is that kind of a dog I'm nut g. ing to let noy children play in tbat neighborhoo<i.” “Nor mine either.” The ex«rcising of horses just b< fore a race is the ]»reamble. “\ou're a dead losts to yourself” is the latest sarcastic way of telling a man he is no guo<l. Guide (pointing to mummy)— “This was Uene. the ]>r5est, the w sest man of his time. Me lived U> a gre.it nge.” Tourist—“Was his last iliness fatal?” “Y'es, very fatal.” “What a wonderfuI thing tbat we eee hirn now j»ermanently cn red!” Anxious wift—“Whal is his aiiment, doctor?” Physician—“I pionounee it paresis, rnadame.” B< st<*n sick man (feebly)—“Acc<'rding to —rec»-nt authoriliei«. you — don’t pronounc« it—oorrectly. The—accent—is on Ihe—tirst syllable.” Too mueh of a gtH»d thing—“There is one thing,” said the disco:)8olate tramp. “that preveuts nu' from jamping into yonder river ai.d ending my wretched career.” ‘*And that is your fami!y?” “No. lt is the waterl” A little girl aged 9 ca!le<l her fatb«r tu her bedside tbe other »v<ming. ‘‘Papa.” satd the litt!e di;»ioinat, ‘ I want t<» ask y«»ur advice.” Well, n»y liUle dear, wl at is it ahoui?” Wh»t do yon ih ok il wouhl be be»t to give me o.i mv birthday?” Aw.«y out- -Di9lre»sed muther («ith crying bahy in railway c*rmge) —* Dear, dear! I doi»’t koow wl at lo do with thie chdd.” Kiod an<l thoughtful bach» lor (on the op t iosite seat) —“Shall 1 oi»«n tbe wiud«»w for yoo, toadafn? ,, C»>»ra—*Tu»ser knew you were coiniog. lie recognize«l your name wl<«n we cali«d il.” T«*»my (bt«saking in) —“Y«*s; we «aid. b«re eomee th*>t fellrr lhat s goin’ to get leli on C!ara. aud he we«g**d his taiJ.” Ai«x.*nder (.«un vra» dis(DĪssed fru ii a poel in the cust»»ms at Ed nkurgh t fbr r.<rc«l»t»i<g ;fai?? rntuur. The di«u:iaaal is «aid |to have b«eu thus noled iu ihe 'eneiome hook at the liioe;—“A. <Gua dischs.rgrd f<>r iOaktng a f«lse ' report."